I’ve read some of Duhigg’s books in the past, they’re all good, maybe a little “chicken soup for the MBA soul”-ish. Here’s a few quick take aways from Supercommunicators, his latest book:

1. I love referencing this song, so I’ll do it again, but before having a conversation: “stop, take some time to think, figure out what’s important to you”¹. Duhigg summarizes this idea in four rules, which are:

   1. Pay attention to what kind of conversation is occurring.
   2. Share your goals, and ask what others are seeking.
   3. Ask about others’s feelings, and share your own.
   4. Explore if identities are important to this discussion.

2. In any given conversation things work best if you continuously refine the conversation until everyone gets what they want. Or at least gets something they want. As an old co-worker used to say, “everyone should leave a little unhappy”. The book Getting to Yes goes into this in more detail and was, amazingly, the first research to understand that conversations shouldn’t be one person “winning” or exerting control over another.

3. The Internet makes all of this a lot harder. Duhigg’s four guidelines for talking online are:

   1. Overemphasize politeness.
   2. Underemphasize sarcasm ²
   3. Express more gratitude, deference, greetings, apologies, and hedges.
   4. Avoid criticism in public forums.

If any of this seemed interesting, go pick the book up, your local library probably has a copy. The examples used throughout are interesting and thought provoking. For example, if you’re pro (or against) guns, could you share your perspective with someone on the other side of the argument? If you’re for vaccines could you convince someone against them to take them? If you had to convince a loved one to change something they’re doing, do you know how to approach that conversation? If any of these seem hard, maybe something in this book will help.

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Footnotes

1. Stop! by Against Me! ↩

2. Haha, oh no. ↩